Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Why I Believe In God

Today did not start off so well.

I don't really want my blog to be a place where I complain about life, and so suffice it to say that I haven't slept for several days, and have been dealing with a larger than normal amount of stress - some caused by happy things and some not. On top of that, my mother shared with me this morning some very bad news about true evil coming into the life of a good friend of ours. It was enough to make me feel ill, and I spent much of the morning struggling with tears.

And then, just a little while ago I looked out my bedroom window to see this:

Isn't she pretty? Isn't she peaceful? To many of you she may just be a deer, but to me she is a miracle.

You see, back in 1993 my world began to crash in around me. I had been fighting depression for several years, and for some reason it all came to a head that summer. Home from my freshman year in college, it should have been a happy summer. I was back working at Watkins Woolen Mill State Historic Site - a job that I truly loved - and my freshman year had been a magical time for me. Instead, I was miserable. The constant rain that summer and the fact that I was so cut off from my friends certainly didn't help.

At some point, I began to notice the deer.

It began very simply. I would walk out onto the Watkin's back porch, and I would see a deer or two quietly grazing in the field behind the house. Half way through a tour on a rough day I would glance out the window of the Mill and see several of them in the sheep pen. I would catch glimpses of them out the car window as I drove to work in the morning. It went on and on and on.

The amazing thing was that each and every time I saw them I was left with an incredible sense of peace. At some point it occurred to me that all of those deer were the answer to my prayers. They were being sent to remind me that everything would be ok.

And eventually, it was.

I might have dismissed all of this as coincidence had it not kept happening. It's been 15 years, and I've lost track of exactly how many times I've seen a deer during times of need. They don't always happen, but they do seem to be there when I need them the most. Just last summer God sent me a deer the one and only time I've ever asked. My father had been hurt badly trying to treat a horse and had become very ill. I was scared, and I asked God to send one because I needed to know that Dad was going to be fine. That night a deer wandered right up to the front of my parents house, right in front of my entire family.

I don't need large miracles to prove that God exists. He has given me a very small and very quiet miracle because that's exactly what I need. And so I know that this particular deer was sent for a reason, and I do feel better. For the first time in days I am calm, and at peace.

Everything is going to be ok.

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