Monday Meanderings

Near Solstice Update: I'm at row 258/597, which means we're down to 343 stitches/row. I can now zip through the wrong side rows in about 8 minutes (42 stitches/minute!) and I'm so used to the different tracks now that the patterned sides don't take much longer. The cool thing is that when I hit row 299 I'll officially have knit 3/4 of the shawl due to the magic of the triangle. Don't you just love geometry!

• I stayed up to watch the Emmys last night.
• It was excruciating.
• Not the Emmys...I actually enjoyed them this year - especially the taped questions with the writers/producers/directors, the Modern Family skit and the Glee opening.
• No, what was excruciating was staying up until 10. Seems my body wants to go to bed at 9 - and that's apparently not negotiable.
• One of the crazy things about me is that if I stay up too late than I get overly tired and can't sleep - sometimes even developing restless legs.
• Like last night.
• Sigh.
• I've had three separate children throw temper tantrums about green beans today.
• Fun.
• In all seriousness, we've noticed that our kids - who we never used to worry about because they were very healthy eaters - have turned a weird corner this summer and now want junk all of the time. I can actually pinpoint when it happened....we ate a lot of 'fun' food while Dad was away on his vacation, and since then they have turned their noses up at healthier fair. In addition, they've become grazers, wanting to snack constantly....but not wanting to eat actual meals.
• So here's the dilemma.
• I want to raise girls with healthy body-images and positive relationships to food. I want them to enjoy food and to be able to listen to their bodies. Trouble is, I don't have a clue how to raise them that way - having had pretty bad - spectacularly bad, really - role models when I was young. (As is apparent by the fact that I've now spent approximately 24 of my 36 years worrying about my weight and dieting.)
• Suggestions?
• Which leads me to...
• Last week I finished reading Molly Wizenberg's beautiful book, A Homemade Life.
• I first heard about the book some time ago on my friend Lecia's blog. (Interestingly enough, Lecia's post today references the restaurant that Molly and her husband own!) The very next time I went to my favorite bookstore, I looked it up....and walked away uninterested. (We'll chalk this up to my well-known dislike of cooking.) Then it came out in paperback, and I looked again. For several weeks I tried really hard to ignore the book...but there was something about the way it patiently sat on the shelf, calling to me quietly with it's restful cover..... So about two weeks ago it finally came home with me. I was between books, and looking for something different, so it went right to the top of the pile.
• And as soon as I started reading it I fell down into the proverbial rabbit hole. It was a profound reading experience - and one that took me very much by surprise. I had expected to enjoy it....I had not expected to be changed by it.
• Two things.
• First, Molly is exactly the type of essayist that I long to be...engaging, focused and always entertaining but at the same time intimate and quiet with a touch of the didactic.
• Second, Molly made me hungry. Her stories made me hunger for food and for life in a way that I've never ever been hungry before....in a way that I've never known.
• When I recognized that hunger budding within myself, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
• I don't like food.
• I don't like it one bit.
• In fact, I don't put a darn thing into my mouth that doesn't come along with a whole host of negative thoughts and emotions. I've tried really hard in the last few years to improve my health, but I managed to completely miss the point.
• I believe I've mentioned before that there are two main camps in the weight loss/healthy body debate. Side A believes that you should measure, count and track every single bite and activity. You might have to do this for the rest of your life, by the way, but it's the only way to make SURE you lose weight and get healthy. (I don't need to give you examples...they're everywhere.) Side B believes the opposite - that the only way to gain freedom from your weight issues is to give up dieting forever, heal you issues and embrace life. (Think Geneen Roth and Oh She Glows.) Obviously, my gym experiences have had me firmly in Camp A for the past year - even though I've longed for Camp B with an admitted wistful suspicion.
• What I see now is that there's a third group - and I should have seen this all along as I actually know a few people in this blessed group. There is a group for whom food has never been an issue...and the one thing they seem to share is a passion for and an enjoyment of food and life. Food nourishes and sustains them in ways that go beyond mere biology. For them taste and texture is just part and parcel of the grand adventure that is life.
• And it took a memoir for me to get it.
• It took a memoir about food and family for me to truly see what I have been doing to myself all of these years and to gain a clear picture of what I want for myself - and for my girls.
• I have a lot of thinking to do...and I need to make some changes.
• We shall see.
• My apologies for this being more serious than you had perhaps expected....it just is what it is today!

And now it's 9:23 and I must go to bed.

Have a great week everyone!

PS. You've already read of the ONLY knitting I did last week....and yesterday I posted about my spinning. Yep, crafting is rather dull around here at the moment!