Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Reality Check

Those of you who've been through surgery before probably could have seen this coming.

Recovery is kicking me in the tush.

Honestly, I thought that it was a very simple procedure, and that I would bounce back very quickly. After all, I've built a healthy lifestyle over the last eight months, and surely my body was in good shape and could easily handle whatever was thrown my way. The fact that I woke from the surgery already feeling miles better than I had just a few hours before increased my did the fact that most of the aches and pains were gone by Monday morning.

Surgery, smergery...I wasn't going to let it slow me down one bit.

Then I started back into everyday life, and realized that it wasn't going to be quite so simple as I'd thought.

For a second day I went to the gym yesterday and walked on the treadmill for just 30 minutes. For the second day, I found myself so exhausted that I could do little but sit in front of the tv all afternoon....and that was only after I had taken a nap so that I could keep going. I didn't have the energy to parent, to cook dinner, to knit more than a few stitches every once in a while or really do anything else that would signify a functioning adult.

When I left the gym yesterday, I ran a few errands and then went to a coffee shop so that I could sit and write for a bit about the last week. I wound up in tears...and proceeded to cry off and on all day. During the worst part of it, my BKB received a semi-hysterical phone call. Perhaps I was so weepy because I was so tired. Perhaps that's normal after surgery?

I cried because I've spent 8 months telling myself "YES, I can!" and it's hard to go back to feeling like I can't again - even if it's only temporary.

I cried because my half marathon is over...and I wanted - and needed - it badly. I needed to do something wonderful that I could be proud of - something that would show that I was special to others.

I cried because losing part of my reproductive system is a loss - even if this particular part was a very minor loss.

I cried because apparently I really need those exercise endorphins, and I've missed them badly.

I cried because I'm afraid of how much conditioning I'll have lost and how much this is setting me back in my health goals.

I cried for all of those reasons...and a whole lot more.

I know that in the grand scheme of things this is just a small bump in the road....and I know that my own experiences are minor compared with those of many of my friends. Because of that, I've tried really hard not to complain.


This stinks.

I'm going to stay home today and take it easy. I'm going to try to be nice to myself (not always the easiest task for me) and give myself the time that I need. I'm going to do what my husband told me to do and take a nap today. I'm going to continue to eat healthy foods and will try to get outside today to enjoy some fresh air.

And hopefully, I'll be back on track really soon.


A Day That is Dessert said...

I am so very sorry to hear how things are going - big hugs!!

I've had some reproductive system surgeries too and know exactly what you mean about that sense of loss and grieving. xoxo

Shelda said...

I'm sure you will be back to yourself, and quicker than you might realize. But anesthesia does a number on a body, and it is going to take awhile.

Maybe it would help to think of this as your marathon in patience and understanding for your physical limitations (which we *all* have!), and taking the very best care of yourself while recovering. It's absolutely as important as your running speed and # of miles!

And I'll get off my soapbox now ;)

Paula said...

Thank goodness you have come to your senses. I was so tempted to caution you after reading your last post but figured you would soon learn to listen to your body. (Can you tell I speak from experience?) You will find that you will not have lost as much you thought when you get back to your training. It's much easier than it was the first time. Rest easy and enjoy a little pampering.

Jenny said...

Shelda is spot on about the effects of anesthesia, and I will echo her excellent advice. Go easy. You'll feel better sooner.

margene said...

Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do! But, everyone else has told you that (and you know it already). Be well!!