Monday, March 10, 2014

Dear Green Woman,

My dear...we have a problem.

I'm quite annoyed with you, you know.  For a magical being who theoretically is supposed to be my muse, you are doing a pretty horrible job right now.  In fact, you've been slacking for most of the last year. Knitting has stagnated, I'm nervous about spinning, I have zilcho interest in that box of embroidery floss, ditto the tatting supplies, I'm actively avoiding writing anything, and darn it...I'm NOT HAPPY ABOUT ANY OF THIS!

WE need to fix this ASAP!!!!  Before I go even crazier than I am right now!!!!  A non-creative Kristin is most certainly NOT a good thing.  What's the point of having a resident fairy if she isn't doing anything?!?!

So what are we going to do?

I propose that we first take a serious look at the problem.  Perhaps if we figure out what's going on and why we can actually do something about it.  I shall try to be fair, taking the blame for my own role in all of this.  That's only right.

Here it is as I see it:

#1.  I've already climbed my mountain top....twice.  What's left when you've achieved your dreams?

I note that you haven't dropped any more dreams in my lap.  Isn't that your job?  What are you waiting for?

#2.  I'm more than a little bit nervous about spinning.  My nerves fall into three subcategories.
A.  My wheel has been having issues for over a year now.  I *think* they are resolved, but am afraid of working with the darn thing because it will break my heart and/or drive me absolutely insane if it's still wobbly.
B.  Let's face's the wheel's fault that I developed the alpaca allergy.  I'm mad at it.
C.  I'm also afraid that I will develop more allergies.  I am perhaps irrationally convinced that spinning will push me over the edge with wool, too.  And then where would we be?

We've spoken in depth about this.  I know that you are fully sympathetic and also quite perplexed.  You may just need to give me a good shove to push me over this particular fear cliff, and/or you need to tempt me with a project or fiber so wonderful that I can't resist whatsoever.  Do something, ANYTHING.

#3.  I'm trying to be a really, really good girl and am NOT buying any more yarn until I've successfully used up what I've got.  Which means I have two drawers full of yarn that I love, am unwilling to part with, but have absolutely no flippin' clue what to do with.  Yes, you do have my thanks for helping me to cull down the stash (and it is a very, very small stash)  to its current state.  It would make me feel better, though, if we could figure out something to do with it rather than continue to let it sit around.  The guilt of having so much money tied up in something I am not using....well, it's not a good feeling.

You did point out recently that the flip side is that I've pushed myself into a corner.  I get it, I really do.  We just have to figure out how to use up a little bit more of what we have...and THEN we can consider some shopping.

#5.  Speaking of which, do you know how much it sucks to not be able to go yarn shopping in person anymore?  I have been craving a good, old-fashioned yarn shop crawl lately...and I am very sad that we can't do that.  (Stupid alpacas.)  Shouldn't you have figured out a way around this by now?

#6.  What I really need to be doing is to be making clothes for myself.  That not looking like a hobo thing isn't going so well, with this winter hitting a whole bunch of new lows.  We don't really have the time to get into my whacky body image issues, their connection with my knitting life, and whether or not I can get my act together.  It's not like we haven't discussed this before...more often than either of us would like in exhaustive detail.  Honestly, I don't know what to do about it at this point, and I'm open to suggestions.  The one thing I CAN say is that I'm actively working now to improve my lot., and I'm really, really hoping this will lead to long-term benefits for both of us.  And a new wardrobe.

#7.  It would be nice if you could help me figure out how to actually knit a sweater for myself that fits and looks good.  Just sayin'...

#8.  Nothing sounds fun.  This is all your fault.

I think that's everything.  Feel free to point out later anything I might have missed.  We can't fix what we don't acknowledge...and again, this has got to be fixed.

I'm left with no brilliant ideas this morning to help us out of this quagmire.  I'm irritated, annoyed, frustrated, saddened, lost, cranky, bored, harried, anxious, depressed, etc, etc, etc. I'm also aware that we've been through similar straits before and that sometimes a soul must be left fallow if it is to produce again.

It's time to turn it around.

Are you with me?


PS.  I really do love you...even if you're slacking.  

PPS.  It was very clever of you to swipe my earbuds out of my bag and hide them somewhere at home this morning and then break my favorite yarn mug.  Next time, though, if you want me to write can you please do something less destructive?  I loved that mug....

1 comment:

Kate (Cathy Johnson) said...

*Ahem.* I am not your muse nor am I the Green Woman, but I AM your fairy godmother, and as I read this I had two thoughts...take them for what they're worth, dear heart.

And trust me, I almost NEVER tell someone else what they "need." They're liable to say "funny, I feel no such need."

That said, wand in hand:

First, you need to let yourself PLAY. Have some FUN. Make like a kid, as long as it takes. Remember what you loved when you were little, and DO it. Just sitting in the sun? DO it. Playing in a creek? DO it. Playing with your dog? Well, you get the idea. As long as it takes for something to feel like fun again.

Fake it, if you have to, at me, once you just let yourself go and get SILLY, you'll notice some serious fun sneaking in there.

Second--kick the guilt in the behind. Stop berating yourself OR the Green Woman for that stash of yarn. It's dragon's treasure, my dear, it will be there when you're ready.

Did you know that fun and guilt can't breathe the same air? Can't share space in the same room? (Yeah, unless you're some kind of weird sickie, but you're not. :D) So one step at a time, DELIGHT in that stash of yarn, trust it to be there when you need it, touch it, pet it, drink in those gorgeous jewel colors, dream about them, imagine yourself floating in them, but do NOT feel guilty about it.

Repeat after me: I am WORTH it. I am WORTH it. I am...

By the way, waving the wand, shazam, knock it off, kid!

Love you!